Sit still…for a moment
I probably have to remind myself that things are not as bad as I make them out be. Every day I try to take pleasure in the small things. Drinking a cup of coffee, while listening to Brian McKnight’s live performances as he sings a mellow tune about love. Nothing can beat that.
Lately, I have been having way too many conversations with myself though. Stuck in my head for most of the time, I try to rationalize even the “mundane” things: Am I doing enough? How close am I to where I want to be? Why do I feel so restless?
Mundane? Right. Sort of. I think we all struggle with these questions. Some more than others. I generally feel this is worse at the beginning of the year. “Wise internet gurus” will probably tell you to create a plan, and shift your mindset…and all the other psycho-goodness that will leave you pumped for a day or two.
I am not one of those. In fact, I am as distressed as the next man. Fully engulfed in my own pain and apprehensions, I am probably the last person to give advice on dealing with uncertainty and the anxiety brought by the beginning of the year.
“Feel the pain, go through the confusion and eventually pick yourself up and get moving.”
Sometimes having a plan isn’t enough. Sometimes the voice in your head is loud as hell, especially when you feel at your most vulnerable. And that should be okay. The in-between stage for getting somewhere or doing anything is not talked about enough. The emotional toll it takes. The doubts, the fears…I could go on, but you the get the picture.
Me and my friends have this motto, ”No matter what happens, boy…keep that mthfcker moving.” To a large extent, this phrase really speaks to facing adversity head-on and not being a victim of circumstance. It might be construed as “Keep it moving, even when things aren’t great.”
I think we all realize that most of the time when things aren’t great, you definitely should sit still for a bit. Feel the pain, go through the confusion and eventually pick yourself up and get moving. That’s it.
Now, there’s no one way to sit still. Writing has always been my way. There is definitely nothing like writing down the feelings, conversations, and sometimes obscure and unformed thoughts I have in my head.
I haven’t done this for a while though. Even during these government-enforced lockdowns. But while going through my latest predicament, one onset by things undealt with, I remembered a quote by Brene Brown, “Unused creativity is not benign. It turns into grief, rage, judgement, sorrow, shame”, and that rather captured my current state.
I would usually not be shaken by my latest predicament, nor would I be restless and a bit anxious about the year. But I had no outlet. Yes, I talk a lot — I like a good conversation, but I don’t know how to speak about my feelings. But I can write about them. And that has always helped. That’s how I find my stillness. My shoulders are already feeling less heavy as I write this.
Anyway, this is more like a diary entry than an inspiring article about how to fix your life. I don’t know how anyone can fix their life, but I do know we can find ways to cope when the negativity is at it’s loudest.
